I realised - as I went to show a friend some photos of Yashar on the blog recently - that I am well overdue to put some more photos of Yashar on here! This is him at our new local cafe (which is fantastic by the way - if you live in the area it is definitely worth checking out - great coffee and the owner is very much into providing delicious food with good quality ingredients - Molka in Yenikoy).
One of the questions I like to ask other mothers that I meet, is whether they think it gets easier to look after their child as they grow up. The responses I get are very mixed! I'm always surprised that so many people swear that it is either just as hard or that it's getting harder.
In my own experience, I'm finding it much easier to look after Yashar these days. I think that this is for a mix of reasons, not all to do with Yashar! When I first had Yashar it was a huge time of change for me - I moved from working full time as a lawyer in Melbourne to being at home full time and when he was only 3 or 4 months old, moving to Istanbul. I was struggling with finding my direction and a new sense of my own identity.
As much as I loved being here and found it such an amazing and inspiring place to be, I did find it quite an adjustment. I knew only a very small amount of Turkish, I wasn't used to the cultural differences, didn't know the area and didn't have any help with Yashar for the most part as my husband's family lived quite a distance away ...too far for dropping in for a few hours to give me a little break - as much as they would have liked to. And then there was the sleepless nights, the crying... the usual exhaustion of caring for a baby I guess!
Now Yashar has grown in to this amazing little boy - smart and gentle, and by 3 year old boy standards, very well behaved! Life has changed for the better. He brings happiness and pure joy to my life everyday. From simple things, like a totally unfiltered pure grin, and the squeal he gives seeing a cat on the street, or that he just decides to make me a 'present' by wrapping up one of his toys and presenting it to me.
Wow...I had just meant to write a couple of sentences!...Thank you for indulging me. I'd love to hear what your think and about your experiences...does it get harder or easier? What does your child or children do that brings pure happiness to your life? When have you gone through times of big change in your life... what did you do to cope and how did it work out!?
6 comments:
I had my boy 10 months ago, so I can not tell you whether it will get easier for you but my experience with my nieces who are now 17 and 18 years old, is that it gets more fun because you can share more things, you can go to places together and listen to their funny comments (I took my niece to a gallery when she was 5 years old and she shouted that she was bored because everybody in the room was old and paintings were dark not like colors on her books...)
I had my son when I was 37. I had lived a free life for so long that when I was restricted to a house with a crying baby for days and days I felt trapped and scared. I believed this was now how my life would be . after 6 months of course i felt much better and now he is 10 months old and I regret not to have spent last months more relaxed.
Oyy, I talk too much...
Thank you inci!
I love your neice's comment at the art gallery!!
I think I felt some very similar feelings when Yashar was that age. It was hard to see that the time would go so quickly - hard to just go with the flow and to relax as much as possible.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts - it is so important for us mothers to do I think!
Hi Verity
What a lovely post.
I have to agree for me motherhood has also gotten easier. Only today i felt so excited to be able to sit with my daughter and have random conversations over Hot Chocolates. Random i guess because toddler chat is so animated. : )
When my daughter was born i was at times consumed by loneliness.. we also have no family that live close by...friendship that i thought had been strong dissapeared and identity wise it was a very hard time for me.I feel like i have grown so much through that process... gosh i might have to write about this on my blog i suddenly realised i have alot to say. lol.
Thank you i think i needed to think of this to look back on "Motherhood Lane....
Thank you so much for sharing that Isla! I can't tell you how good it feels to hear that other people had similar experiences to mine! Often it is something that mother's tend not to be open about I think...
And I am definitely with you about having grown during the process. This experience has helped me so much in shaping who I am.
I'm looking forward to reading what you post on your blog!
Hi! I just found your blog through Ohdeedoh, lovely expedit idea! I had to see what other ideas you might have on your blog and was pleasantly surprised by this post.
I'll share my thoughts too ...
My husband and I moved to a new city right before getting pregnant, giving me very little opportunity to make friends in a new area. Also, trying to find a job while constantly nauseas/vomiting isn't easy either. It turned out that in my last trimester, we had to move AGAIN! I tried to meet some moms in this new city, but had no idea where to begin.
Fortunately, my husband had a friend who also moved to the area and just so happened to have her son only two weeks before my son! We were able to see each other only about twice a month, but I so loved every second I had with my new friend. Unfortunately, they ended up moving the following summer. Out of desperation, I started signing my son and I up for toddler classes around his 15th month just to get us out of the house. It was the best choice I could make. We are still signed up for 3 classes a week and have been meeting more and more moms/children. The first 9 months of my son's life were the hardest times of *my* life as I struggled with isolation, the change of identity to stay at home mom, and the physical changes my body went through. It was rough. Once my baby started walking, that was the real turning point and life is much easier now. I still feel like I'm not myself, or who I used to be, and I may never be that person again, but I'm learning who this person is that I'm becoming.
I, too, felt I lost a few friendships that I had previously thought were strong. And for my husband and I, we thought we had supportive families, but discovered, in the midst of the chaos that is the life of a very new family, that we were indeed on this road alone. I feel very confident that this little family we have created would not be as tight as we are if we didn't go through what we went through together.
Thank you for sharing this!
You have such a lovely boy! I love reading your blogs - just happen to find it whilst looking for something else earlier today - spent time reading them for a while rather than do work!
All the best...
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